take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize