Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
