I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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