i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
