it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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