We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
