Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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