I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize