you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
