Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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