3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
