whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
