i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
