all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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