Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
