guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
