trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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