everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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