At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
