absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
