hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
