hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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