Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
