how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
