Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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