this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
