You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
