I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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