Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
