remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
