smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
