this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize