I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
