My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
