I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
