You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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