Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
