Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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