I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
