I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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