fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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