If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
