Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize