why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize