Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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