just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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