just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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