new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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