I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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