and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
