So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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