i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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