but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize