I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
