And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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