the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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