we're chasing vodka with high fives
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm passing your future prison.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
