the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
