Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
