I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
