my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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