I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize