U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
