I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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