its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
