Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
