I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
