You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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