we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
