She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
