I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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