And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
