I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
