I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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