Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have fence marks all over my body
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
