So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
