you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
