onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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