May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize