so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
