hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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