We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
