I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
