How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize