I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
