I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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