Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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