ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
