I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
