Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
