soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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