Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
