I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
