I looked at my own cervix.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
