ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
