Already got asked if we're dating
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
