I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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